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Ive done this and it has definitely taken a conscious effort to solve. What I've done is try and "explain" backwards and start with my point. Wait a second and provide only 1 point. Has helped me cut down on how long I talk and ramble.
I struggled with this early on in my career. I was a project manager and was told repeatedly by my team that I was being "disrespectful" by constantly sending novels when a few sentences would have been fine. Though I was doing the best I could, they weren't wrong, either. I had to really work on editing myself, especially when feeling anxious. I started with emails and would make bullet points rather than write everything out I wanted to say. I would remove any bullet points that weren't vital, and write what was left into an email without adding any additional info. It got easier with time and I was able to do similar in my head during meetings.
Hey! I’m sorry you are going through this. Absolutely nothing, at all, is worth affecting your self esteem which will make your life harder in the long run. I don’t know what consultancy you work for, is it possible for you to roll off (no drama)? We are the same grade and I have been in similar situations, please feel free to reach out if you want to talk about it. You got this. Remember, you have super strengths because of your ADHD which make you an exceptionally good consultant. Just because you don’t click with this partner’s way of working, it’s not a reflection of your abilities
Thanks for the positive message. Can't roll off. It's tough being neurodivergent.
I feel seen
One strategy and commonly used in business as well is the pyramid model. I start with the most important point of my message and then followed by the details:
Ex: A story of why mary came late today
Right: Mary arrived 30 mins late today (that is the main point). (Why/details) This morning during breakfast she spilled coffee on her dress and had to shower and dress again. She also stayed up later yesterday to talk to a friend on the phone
Wrong: Mary stayed up until 1am yesterday because she was talking to her friend who moved to Australia. She is so clumsy and spilled her coffee this morning and that cost her so much time as she had to get ready again. Thats why she came late at work today.
I started to use this model for storytelling in private as well and people complain less that I talk or tend to over explain too much.
This has happened to me before too. I tend to overexplain. To combat this i normally think about how I will explain things and ask my partner (romantic) for feedback. This has helped me identify when I start doing this.
A possible strategy I’d recommend would be to really think about what the person you’re talking to needs to know - especially when reporting upward, think about how they’ll use this information and then give them what they need. Hard to do in the moment, but try to do this before meetings to prepare yourself.
For example, if you’re reporting out on status to a team lead, you might really only communicate a one sentence summary of the nature of a blocker, who is needed to resolve the issue and timeline to get it resolved because that’s all the team lead is concerned about.
Another thing I’d mention is that it’s good if people ask questions. You can give your abbreviated summary and then let people ask questions about what they’re specifically interested in hearing more about, so that way you’re not hitting them with info overload and your information delivery feels like more of a conversation
I was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 50. I can totally relate. One of the best books my doctor who also has ADD recommended i read is called "your brain is not broken.". It explains why we feel the way we feel. People with ADD are highly sensitive. A lot of how you feel is in your head. Try to separate that and focus on how to make things better at work.
Chatgpt-explain over text then say “make this more concise”
I have the same problem, also with a partner. My supervisor has talked with me about it and told me to summarize by thinking about the three most important things for the partner to know (or sometimes it’s even just one). I prep for meetings this way.
I also tend to write out longggg emails and then try to trim/summarize before I hit send. Sometimes I include the summary of the three things at the top and still include all the detail below (especially as a CYA move).
It’s a work in progress because I love minute detail and details to me are very important for context and greater understanding (in fact, I wish more people gave more detail instead of making me guess what they want or need). But I know most people don’t want that level of detail and I am trying to get better.
It’s really hard, and you are definitely not alone, OP, as you can see from this thread! Communicating with NTs in the way that works for them (not you) is very exhausting sometimes too
Oh no, does the partner know that you struggle with ADHD? My (romantic) partner has ADHD and he over-explains everything. Some women get offended by him like he's "mansplaining" but he's literally just overstimulated. If you haven't already, I would speak with the partner about your diagnosis so you can get some understanding from them.
I disclosed and was later terminated. I asked HR to make my mgr take a training on supporting colleagues with ADHD, but they wouldn't even do that.