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Coach
Yes and it’s tough. But I take heart in knowing it’s usually one of two things:
1. They are a miserable person who likes to complain, and their complaints are a reflection on them and not you. You can safely let it role last you.
2. They just have more care and courage than other partners you work with, and are actually doing the unpleasant work of telling you how you can become even better. So many lawyers will say “good job” to you but then smear you behind your back and stop sending you work. Lawyers who will actually give you feedback can be a blessing.
It’s also important to be able to take criticisms with a grain of salt. So much of our lives we are coddled with situations where it is possible to get a 100% grade, but our jobs aren’t like that and throughout your career you’ll do things that displease someone or are just clear mistakes. Being able to fix it, learn from it, and move on without beating yourself up is one of the most basic and important survival skills for this job.
I agree with all of this - and want to add that if your situation is point 1 - then I would, in addition to focusing on keeping your work quality up, learn some negotiation techniques, like mirroring. Focus less on the work and more on making them feel like you improved and it was them who can take credit for building you into a good lawyer, etc..
I hate irrational, non merit based judgment, but it goes both ways, when an irrational person likes you, you can keep them in your corner even with subpar work and effort
I had a partner like this. Eventually I killed it on a really tough deal and made them look good (myself too) and it was like a breakthrough- after that he respected me more. He was still tough but I honestly learned so much working for him. Wasn’t OK treatment but the bright side was becoming a significantly better lawyer.
Yes, this is the worst. One of the main reasons I left big law.
I had a boss like that. Those types of people are living in their own misery.
Yup. It sucks and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it. So long as you can fill your plate with work from other partners, I think it’s fine to make a choice to not actively seek out work with her. This has been my approach after repeatedly trying to prove myself and realizing it’s just not worth it given the anxiety and self- doubt that ultimately comes with working for them. It’s certainly an approach to training and can result in sharpening your skills and hardening you, but if that’s not conducive to your personality, then seek out other partners whose work style mirror your own.
Try to filter out the useful items as “areas for improvement, throw the rest out with yesterday’s trash. Use it as fuel to get you out of the role and to the top of another role. I had a partner like this. He constantly chose to focus on mistakes, didn’t praise my successes, and told me that I wasn’t worth what he was paying me. I left to become partner at another firm and then left that firm to join as in house @ a national commercial RE owner/operator. Who’s crying/laughing now? 😏
Yes. I sent a draft to my partner for confirmation that I could send out (because everything has to be sent to her before I send it out) and the only comment she had was that in almost every instance of a single word there was an extra space throughout the document (of the 77 uses of the word only 7 had extra spaces, I know cause I count) and she said to check spelling (changed nothing in the form), grammar and formatting (only issue was numbering and spacing of a form she told me to use 🤷🏾♀️)
I work for a sole practitioner who is the same way. I want feedback because I want to be better. There comes a point, however, when nothing but negative feedback is unhelpful. He'll instruct me to do something a certain way one day and lambaste me for doing it that way the next.
I believe it's blazing insecurity and self-doubt projected onto me. Chin up--it's not personal, and you're gaining valuable experience.
Agreed. I receive nothing but negative feedback for mainly subjective preferences and radio silence when I do well. I'm telling myself I'm learning lessons and gaining experience while I'm currently in the interview process. It's tough.
Those kinds of people are everywhere. They add stress to the already stressful work you have. Ignoring it is the best defense. Just focus on your goal and brush off unnecessary pressure aside.
Everyone has a story about a difficult partner. In moderation, this behavior is tolerable. Everyone makes mistakes or has a bad day. But if it happens on a regular basis, their behavior becomes a pattern. However, a difficult partner can reduce your job satisfaction and negatively impact your overall well-being over time. The best thing you can do is ignore them. Concentrate on what you do best and start climbing the ladder.
This is a very good answer. It is exactly what I used to do when I was an associate—ignore. It actually worked for me. At one point I told someone that if she didn’t like my work, then take me off the case. She huffed and puffed—but didn’t.
Yes, and I left because she had issues and was taking them out on me and did not have the self awareness to realize that. She’s now two other victims down the line a year later and there were dozens more before me. She’s got a ton of clients and has to run her entire business on brand new junior associates because people with any experience/options whatsoever will not work for her.
I now get lots of constructive feedback back and excellent reviews on my work. Leave these people to their own devices.
My Partner makes errors up! Tells me everything i draft is nonsensical! I had to point out her spelling mistakes lol!