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Here is a theory that has become my life’s mantra, in metaphorical terms. You’re in the car stuck in traffic, furious. You become the foremost expert on urban design. If they city left it to you, you’d solve the traffic problems. You could solve all the world’s problems if only you were in charge!
We have all these ideas about what’s wrong, what needs to change, how it could be done the right way. From world famine to waiting in line.
Every interaction with hostile counsel or clients — or judges! — is your golden opportunity to put all your ideas into action. It is your chance to walk the walk after you’ve talked the talk. What’s the best possible case scenario? Imagine it in your mind and then make it come true. You can do it!
I love hostile people, they bring out the best in me. And if they win the battle, their victory is bitter because they know how kind I was to them. Just don’t let your kindness be mistaken for weakness!
And also, finally, boilerplate wisdom: you never know what those people are dealing with. A little empathy and vulnerability on your part can bring the biggest bullies to their knees.
Thanks for this!!
Edit: Sorry, I thought you were on the client side and they were outside counsel you hired. It dawned on me that you meant opposing counsel.
One thought that came up as a result is that things may be difficult because there is some unclear communication?
If I were you, I would continue being professional and courteous. Their insults are a reflection of them, not you. If you haven't done anything wrong, let it roll off your back. When you refuse to give in to harsh words, their words on the record may stand on their own and they will hopefully realize how unsavory they've been.
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As outside counsel, we are always accommodating to our clients. It's hard to imagine such a difficult OC unless they are that much better at doing the work.
Otherwise, it may be that you and they aren't a good professional fit. There are many other firms you could work with. Consider firing them or bringing up your concerns to a decision maker.
Thank you for this!
There’s nothing you can do. I practice family law as well and believe in being civil etc. Would never insult opposing counsel or even opposing party. Kill ‘‘em with kindness
Btw where do you practice? I can be your “venting “ partner haha
NY State.
Lots of good advice on this thread. I would also suggest taking your opposing counsel out to lunch. So few people do this. You will see how beneficial this can be to build confidence, establish trust, and maybe find something in common you thought you never had with the other person. It will make your job infinitely easier in the end.
True. Yes, in family law, our paths cross certainly. I normally just cut correspondence and speak through motions if it’s gotten to that point, OC is acting horribly because their clients and refusing to be amendable to anything so no point in speaking anyway.