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My heart breaks for you, OP. Not really much to offer as my aunt didn’t survive for long after diagnosis, but I’m assuming you’ve thought through and done enough research on treatment options.
If you’ve done so, I would focus on maximizing her happiness and experiences from now through the end - love the bucket list idea. Also, spend time showing her the positive impact she’s had on others, arrange for her to discuss death (there are live forums for this), and so on. Please see if FMLA covers you here (I’m not sure if this case would apply).
Obviously these are suggestions and everyone’s life is different. It’s a blessing in disguise to have advance warning and prepare.
Again, my deepest sympathies and the best to you and your mom and family
Sending you love. My husband is a doctor and he talks ALL the time about the importance of weighing (1) longer time to live, but in misery while trying everything and holding on to the minuscule chance that you’ll get a miracle, or (2) enjoying the time you have left. He says he sees people suffering every day and wishes more people would accept what science and medicine are telling them, and go enjoy the time they have left.
I don’t know if you’re up for reading this right now, but I loved Atul Gawande’s book, Being Mortal. It made me approach death and dying (and living!) with a different perspective.
I would also do your best to seek out others who can understand this road you’re about to walk. Those are the people who will support you, because they GET it. I’m sure there are virtual support groups if you can’t find local ones.
And finally, make sure you take care of yourself too. I was a caregiver for awhile and, no matter how much you love the person, it is HARD. Give yourself grace, and make sure to do the things that give you life and energy, so you can keep investing in your mom without guilt, resentment, etc.
Wish we could do more, but ❤️
OP - I’m sorry to hear. If you need help planning a trip, drop a burner and I’ll help!
OP. Sorry to hear my dad died of it 20 years ago. If you drop a burner happy to talk about it.
My dad died of cancer and spent the final 7 months of life doing chemo and radiation. He was miserable and basically a shell of his former self. If that's her choice, then let it be her choice.
Breaks my heart to hear this. My best friend’s mom passed away after an 11 month battle to pancreatic cancer. Show her the world.
So sorry to hear. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 and only made it 6 moths thereafter. Unfortunately a lot of memories i have of his last few months were of him in so much pain and he was too weak to talk/even stay awake from all the chemo.
Thanks again to all of you for sharing. This is a truly wonderful community
I am very sorry to read about your mom. Would you consider your mom taking Liposomal Vitamin C? Particularly from LivOn Lab.
My dad had same diagnosis. Drop burner if you want to chat. I’m so sorry to hear this.
A3 same w my dad but it was 12 weeks we had. To do it over we would have not done treatment and just spent time together. But who can say what to do in the moment. I’m so sorry for you and your family
OP- so sorry to hear. I recently lost a family member to cancer. It was terrible. Cancer is a bitch. Spend as much time with her as you can- nothing is guaranteed. I wish I had
Oh my gosh yes, absolutely hospice. You may be able to get home hospice services for her towards the end. My dad died at home with us and hospice was so... peaceful. Wonderful, compassionate professionals.
Look for a clinical trial using any of the immuno onc drugs
This is a jolt OP and I wish there was some sort of way to make this go away. Make the absolute most of the next couple of months. I lost a family member of similar age, not to the nasty disease itself but literally the starvation comes with it. My mother has already passed but if it were mine and with what I know now in hindsight, I would bag the chemo treatment and focus on your time together. Not a doctor here but again in hindsight, the focus on treatment becomes the focus of everyone’s energy as the clock does continues to tick and while this satisfies the urge to “fight it”, it also consumes time that could be spent elsewhere with her. I would focus on doing what they need to do to get her stable,like getting things unblocked or a workaround in place, actions that will give her a bit of normalcy and improve her general quality of life. But no matter what she chooses, I encourage you to focus on what matters most with her in your time, talks, activities and moments. Best wishes OP for you, your family and your Mom
OP take a look at this website. I have been following this guy for the last three years. He puts a out a lot of good quality information for people like your mom who don’t want to go through Chemo. Maybe u can find some guidance there for your mom. Wish you the best.
https://www.chrisbeatcancer.com
https://www.chrisbeatcancer.com/how-felicity-healed-stage-4-pancreatic-cancer-in-2003/
Keto diet does wonders in pain management (it’s mimicking fasted state)
OP, very sorry to hear this. Lost my dad to kidney cancer a few years ago, age 60. Talk to your leadership and take time off. My leadership was extremely supportive and I was able to take a couple months and spend some good quality time with my dad. Take care!
My grandmother did chemo for lung cancer even though it was fatal, I wouldn't recommend it. Tough to see them wither away.
I would take as much time off work as you can or even a sabbatical to spend her remaining time with her. Sorry bout that Pancreatic cancer is a bitch.
OP, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in June. It's been very difficult. Let me know if you want to talk.
Awesome to see everyone support so strongly, there is some humanity left after all. OP, really sorry to hear, we don’t know each other, but my prayers go out to you and your family