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Hi there, I’ve been told that Deloitte (London, UK) is going to make me an offer but haven’t heard back and it’s been over two weeks. The recruiter mentioned it would be around the “m2 grade”. Any idea what this pay range is? … I have 3 YOE working in NHS finance and have applied for a position in Risk Advisory, public sector. Curious what life at Deloitte is like? Does a work life balance exist?
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This made me lol 😭
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When my wife (Chinese) and I (Caucasian) started dating, I always paid. Since we've been married she pays 95% of the time. But she also outearns me by 4x. Except when her Chinese parents are around, then I have to pay, but she Zelle's me the money. 🤣
Saying every Chinese parent would be offended if their son in law made less than their daughter and didn’t cover as much of the bills is literally a generalization… but sure change definitions of words OP.
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I swear this is a weekly/monthly post.
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Where do you live? I am moving there.
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Ethnically Chinese, but I’ve also lived in Singapore, Russia, and Dubai. I’ve also visited the US, and it’s beautiful!
This topic again for the 1000tj time…US is bigger than the whole European continent, so expect to get many different responses and experiences. In my experience, men pay. I also offer to treat them if we have been dating for some time.
Then you have failed the continent D1.
Rising Star
My boyfriend pays 90% of the time and we’ve been together for years. Occasionally I’ll pay if I’m taking him out to dinner for his bday or something. Splitting the bill or paying him back would feel weird to both of us.
Conversely, I do all the grocery shopping (he doesn’t come with) so I always pay for that.
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There are some things we are 50/50 on, like our mortgage. Vacations we usually split or alternate.
We’re late 30s/early 40s, live in one of big metropolitan cities. Norms definitely differ widely.
As a Man, men should pay for the first date. When I would go to dinner with my parents my Dad would nearly always be the one to pay, but my parents are married and have joint finances.
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I make my wife pay at restaurants because I don't feel like doing the tip and signing.
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I think it depends on how traditional some people may be. I have friends who usually split dates 50/50 or will pay for the entire date if initiated first.
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The server typically puts the bill in the middle of the table - they don’t seem to assume who is going to pay.
Sometimes I pick up the bill to pay and sometimes my husband does. It’s not as complicated as you’re making it.
I think it really depends- The only people who ive heard think the guy should always pick up the check are those who are looking for more “old school” relationships / traditional gender roles (eg woman does more at home, whether or not she works), and my circle isnt like that (eg if both people are working, they both split chores 50/50)
for me (and most of my friends), i usually let the guy pay on the first date, and then we alternate who picks up the bill. Ive found this to be a pretty common way of doing things for people who want more equal roles in the relationship , and havent heard of those people thinking its less “masculine” to do that or to have a woman pick up the check.
Thanks for the thoughts. It was a genuine question and I was just curious. A few brief thoughts:
Traditional does not equal subservient in my view. I think my mother had equal (if not more) say in household decisions than my father. And if he ever complained about her cooking, I think he would get beat 😭
On your last paragraph, I don’t look away. I also have never kept a mental tally of who paid last time (I think that’s what you’re saying you do?). I think that’s why the idea is so confusing to me. It sounds sort of exhausting, and it’s just not something I’ve ever thought about.
As an American woman, it's not unusual, though I gotta tell you I dated a guy who conveniently "forgot" his wallet every time we went out. I had to drive. I had to pay. I had to plan things for us to do.
Turns out he was cheating on me the whole time so now I view it as a red flag. My current husband paid for most things while we were dating, and he didn't have a lot of extra cash. When we got married, we set up a joint bank account and now all the money is OUR money so we just use that. It hasn't been an issue, we both contribute financially to the marriage.
I always pay no matter what, but that doesn’t mean if she doesn’t eventually offer I don’t consider that in if I want to continue.
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Whoever asks for the date pays. When dating, (and in a traditional, hetero relationship) that should almost always be the man
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It does when both parties know the girl is dating the guy for his money or the guy is spineless, but it typically doesn't after 3-4 dates.
This is because women in our society have financial autonomy. My GF is from a different country where most women don't have financial autonomy - her mom would have left a long time ago if she had financial autonomy. Trust me, women would much rather pay for a few dates than be stuck in a situation like that.
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Oh my god whoooo careeeeees
I’m married. I usually pay, but the money comes out of our joint account. Also I have the card with better reward points.
It’s not a massive deal. If you want to pay, pay. If they want to split, then do that. If you want them to split, say that to them. I don’t think US is constrained by any tradition. But each person might have different expectations. So learn that
My husband and I share one bank account and all our assets are combined. So it doesn't really matter who pays because it's all the same
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Based on TikTok the man should pay but be subservient in all other parts of the relationship.
The bears don’t do that, FYI.
The football team? The wild animal? Hairy, large, gay men? People who think the market is going down?
Do you belong to one of these groups, thus know? None of these seem obviously applicable to this situation.