For people who have a lot of friends, do you make the effort or it comes naturally? I mean when my friends call me, sometimes I would ignore or take a really long time to respond purposely, I also tend to not to reach out to people proactively. Therefore, I don’t have many friends. Is it me or people around me?

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It’s you. Call your damn friends.

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it’s you — I make the effort, reach out, take time to schedule calls etc

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It’s a lot of work. I’m a loner but my wife is a socialite. She is always reaching out to new people, checking in on others, remembering their birthdays, buying people gifts, etc. It comes naturally for her.

She is also less self conscious about reaching out. It turns out most people don’t mind it so much, and a lot less annoyed about it than I thought. Big surprise for me. She just brushes off people who don’t want that interaction.

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Would it be awkward if I said yes...?

This is going to make me sound like a psychopath but I have a CRM that reminds me to consistently reach out to friends, family & people in my network. Otherwise I forget or get sidetracked by work, it forces me to make time for people.

The more you reach out the more people reach out to you and the better your relationships will be. 🤷🏼‍♂️

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I mean it comes naturally to me but part of that is I naturally want to hang out with people usually. That means I usually don’t ignore people for long and reach out when I want to chill. I’ve been busy recently so I’ve been ignoring people more recently so I’m not making many new friends but my previous friends, I can hit up whenever.

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I feel like you answered your own question... try working on the things you mentioned and see how people react to you differently!

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Same stuff happens to me. I’m horribly awful at following up with my friends

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It comes naturally but only because I put in a lot of effort. And I’ve stopped caring or trying for those who don’t take any interest or won’t follow up or return calls. I get people are busy so it’s ok if not right away but eventually if you keep ignoring me I move on. So yes it’s you lol

On me - I can get really busy and in my own world for a while, but I’ve kept the same groups of friends and close friends from high school, college, and work. I don’t even think I’ve kept up with all my friends from before but I feel like I’m still close to a fair amount of people.

Like EY1’s wife, I intentionally keep up these relationships. I try to remember birthdays and reach out if I see something significant on social media (anything from a major life event to seeing a favorite team won a championship). I also think what helps is creating these spaces where we have an ongoing conversation. I’ve normalized texting about random events out of the blue so we’re always kind of discussing something. Specifically (and I know people hate these) small group chats are really helpful with this. I have pockets of friends in 3-person group chats and someone will inevitably text about something random once or twice a month (like, “oh look how cute my daughter’s costume is”), and it makes us all feel connected.

On average your friends will always have more friends than you.

Just accept that paranoid fact of life and the rest of life will handle itself appropriately.

https://www.technologyreview.com/2014/01/14/174587/how-the-friendship-paradox-makes-your-friends-better-than-you-are/

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