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Hi Guys, I am 5.5 years Java Developer and I have offer from JPMorgan Chase and Walmart .
Jpmc: 50% on current fixed + jpmc benefits Walmrat: 50% on current fixed + yearly bonus + stocks.
Please help me choose which will be better, mainly looking for brand value, work life balance and yearly hikes.
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Or shall I just start new email thread and mention how I know them?
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Should have planned this five years ago and curtailed your spending. Unearned income from investments forgone then would have been able to fund your future vacations and lifestyle.
The best response when your stressed is to save money and plan your exit, but American society and your coworkers will tell you to take vacations, splurge, and to go out to lunch. None of those are a durable answer to the problem.
*you’re – yikes
I wouldn’t say it is selfish. You are doing a lot in my opinion; taking care of the family and doing a demanding job. I would scale back and look at other opportunities where the job may be more routine, but less stressful. This will keep you financially independent as well. But, I would start with a Leave of Absence, if that is available to you. Also, IMHO, you shouldn’t have to be killing yourself for luxury vacations. Sounds like this job is taking a toll on you. I wonder if your husband realizes that. Once he does, I don’t think he will be concerned about luxury vacations. He will be more worried about you than those vacations.
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How about you leave the current job but take something else lower stress and lower paid? Don’t have to retire outright.
^this. If not full time then at least some part time contract work to keep yourself in a good spot
You do sound unreasonable retiring 20 years early and putting the burden on your husband to take care of you and the kids on 1 salary, talk about pressure. You can take a break to recover from burn out and then get another job with decent hours that may pay less but at least contributes towards the household. I think you’re also burnt out from your husband that seems selfish, wanting to be waited on?! I’d tell him to wait for the fly on Pence’s head to serve him.
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Do you have a plan for what exactly you would do in retirement? Don’t underestimate being bored out of your mind.
I agree with your values ❤️
Do you have a side hustle you may profit from that you can still enjoy? Maybe real estate, tutoring, professor even?
Girl same. My husbands salary would allow us to live comfortably. My salary allows us to do bougie shit. Honestly, I’m over it. I don’t need to be “rich”. I’d rather be comfortable and have my sanity. He doesn’t want the whole financial burden but somehow moms the one who handles sick days and making sure the kids have diapers and winter clothes? It is such a double standard and yours may be the unicorn but I don’t think most husbands are truly carrying 50% of the parenting and household weight. Thus it is not selfish at all.
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No but I don't expect to be bored I have children and a husband who likes to be massaged and waited on hand and foot, so I expect to still be pretty busy with the exception of the added stress of work. I've been feeling overwhelmed.
I think that’s pretty wack that your husband expects you to be his beck and call to him. No wonder you’re feeling burnt out. That doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship to be in. Definitely put yourself and wants and needs first before anyone else’s!!!
Could you do a LOA or leave EY and take a career break? Or maybe keep the conversation going with your husband and agree to review how you are feeling quarterly for the next year?
You’re not selfish. I think what’s the issue for him (at least in my eyes) is the (maybe) sudden change of heart in terms of not wanting to work combined with a lifestyle change. You guys should talk it out. I told my wife when we had kids (born in 2018 and 2020) that she didn’t have to work if she didn’t want to. She returned after the first but not for second. I don’t judge her for it. I know how much work it is to take care of kids and not have a moment to yourself throughout the day. I get stressed somedays since I’m the sole earner but that’s mainly because I want to try to do to much (pay down debt, invest, vacation, provide a decent life for my kids) but we’ve come to learn to prioritize. We both have debt and have made it a priority to pay that down before doing anything else. Once we do that we will have a 6-12 month emergency fund, a vacay fund (with like $3-5K) and continue investing. That way we have the emergency fund if anything happens, a vacay fund if we want to travel, and we’re still contributing to retirement. I would maybe tell him that you’ll retire once you guys have (maybe) a years worth of emergency fund and slowly transition to living off of his salary or try to before quitting to see if it’s doable.
I dont want to call it selfish bc housekeeping is also a tough job especially if you hv kids as well.
With that said however I understand your husband’s point too. If both of you work, you both can retire early.
But now he probably has to work until full retirement age...
Like everyone else, I suggest doing a LOA and take a break. I did one for the full 12 months allowed and it rlly recharged me - I wanted to get back to work.
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Is there another job you can do besides this one so that you are still contributing financially and still working outside the home but not so stressful? You are asking your husband to give up his lifestyle and fully support the family because you don’t want to work anymore. So, you would get what you want and he gives up the extra money and takes on the extra stress of being the sole breadwinner. That seems pretty one-sided to me. Is there a way to meet in the middle?
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My husband had a job where he was working crazy hours, stressed all the time, etc. He ended up leaving to work at a nonprofit. He works a standard 9-5 now and likes it.
Maybe something to discuss with your husband is quitting for now to decompress but exploring other options later where you could do something like working at a nonprofit or someplace on a FWA with set hours.
Also, ask him how he feels about being the only earner in the house - even if your salary is just for luxury items now. I know that when my husband was between jobs it really stressed me out to think that if something ever happened to me or my job that there would be no income coming in at all. There may be more feelings behind your husband’s position than what he is saying.
Your life and no you’re not selfish. Your husband should respect that you’re burnt and will pick up the work at house. How is he not selfish by valuing his luxury over your happiness? Plus, Mother can be a full time job.
I’d guess that if your husband helped out more and wasn’t so demanding (seems like you have to wait on him hand and foot - why is that?) you wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed. If he wants you to keep working then you’ve got to assert yourself and demand help at home. I think without your career you’d start to feel resentful even though at the moment you see retirement as something you want. I think you’re just so stressed you see retiring as a way out. Sounds like you’d be better served to lay some more reasonable ground rules at home.
It’s completely selfish. Grow up. You’ve got college tuition and retirement to fund. It’s unfair to put the stress and burden on your husband because you want to check out. There’s a better way to handle it—a sabbatical. Try living and his salary alone for a year while you’re still employed and see if you can do it.
OP. Do it. Many women do it. You have the right mind and decisions. Do not follow the head. Most people are just following what is not good and suitable for humans and life. Too many examples of these.
Do not follow people who are trying to do social engineering and experimentation when they know nothing and they are just a blip in human evolution. Do not fall into polarization traps many people create.
Take care of your children, life, husband and your family life, yourself.. You will get what most people cannot get. Most of the marriages that have the set up you want are truly amazing. Worth it. The quality is unbeatable in all respects. All this is from experience and what I have seen. I have seen it in many continents. Trust me on this one.
BTW, getting advice from people in management consulting who spend most 3/4 of their life from 'real' life (except Covid time where they cannot handle 'life') is not a good decision. Talk to people who come home everyday and women who are housewives. Talk to people older than you.
Make a great family!
How convenient, demand equality when you want to work and when you don’t, act like the typical gender stereotype of being a housewife is a good way to escape.
Have you talked w a financial planner about it?
Hey OP I am going through the same thing. What level at EY are you? I am an SM. Some days I think. About just taking a lower pay less stressful job, some days I just want to be a stay at home mom but my husband does not want the risk of having only one income. I take it one week at a time and try to schedule in “me” time often- like ride my Peloton, get my nails done, get a massage, etc. On certain other days I just think, what if I just became mediocre at work, how long will I have til they fire me or up or out me?
Oh and bottom line you are not selfish.
You should go to both marriage and financial counseling together to find a solution that works for you and also for your family.