I’m in a tricky situation that affects my mental health. I’m in a long distance relationship because I wasn’t happy in the country where I got my diploma and felt trapped. I moved to the US for better opportunities, I would say I am proud of my professional career now. However my SO doesn’t see it that way. He was resentful at first bc I left but then he understood why I did that. I wanted him to join me or build a new future together. He’s blaming me for putting my career first before him. (Con
Like in any situation/relationship, you want to figure out what it is you want in life, and whether the two of you align. Whether being with this person gets you closer to those goals or further away. Any relationship is a give and take of different priorities. Obviously there are more factors than money, but based solely on the limited information provided, it sounds like your goals don’t align and you would slow each other down in this regard. I’d also ask if you were married or not. Personally, I hold marriage to a higher standard. So my leanings would be towards if married, I’d try to figure it out. If not… I’d strongly consider leaving the relationship and growing your life in the new country. But that’s me!
It’s tough, I’ve been in this relationship for 9 years but we’re not married. We’ve met at very young age and it seems our goals and mindsets are changing now that we’re in our mid twenties. I obviously want to fix things but it just seems too difficult at this stage.. Thanks for your advice it’s helpful, I’ll definitely take some time to think about this
Long distance relationships are tough, most of them don’t make it. I was in one, we were high school sweethearts together for 5 years and when I moved to the US struggled through the long distance thing for another 2. He didn’t want to move here so that didn’t help the situation. It was so stressful, so I know where you’re coming from. I went to a therapist and the first thing she told me was to end the relationship. You have to be on the same page especially deciding where to live. Your head is in the right place, working hard and investing so you can have a comfortable life is a no brainer. You won’t change his mind if it’s made up, so you just need to focus on what you can live with in your future. Will it be moving back feeling trapped again, barely having opportunities and resenting him for it, or building a life you’re happy living? And the other thing is with men it becomes out of sight out of mind, so they start moving on, but they don’t tell you. For me somebody messaged me on social media to tell me he was living with someone else and that’s when I ended things. Might not be the same case for you, but the headache of a long distance relationship is not worth it in the end so just make your choices early and start healing.
Yea, later on you’ll be happy you made the decision. Always stay true to your values that way you can take on whatever the outcome is with your chin up. Wishing you the best.
I can see where both of you are coming from. You want to set up a good life for the both of you, and your definition of a good life (which is not wrong at all!) is being financially stable in a career where you feel important and are making a difference. You want to be able to support and provide for your future family so you can all live a comfortable life. His definition of a good life is not financially focused; money does not make his life “rich.” What enriches him is spending time with friends and family, having new experiences, working on his hobbies, and living more in the moment. Neither of you are wrong in what you want in life, and it is also possible for you to stay together if you both take the time to truly understand where the other person is coming from and can find a happy compromise. Ultimately though, when you think of your “dream life,” you have to ask yourself where he would fit into it. If you can’t see that, I think it might be time to go your separate ways.
Yes you totally nailed it. We actually discussed for a long time, and are both are willing to compromise. I truly believe having both of our « good life » point of view can only benefit for both of us. I just hope we can avoid being frustrated or feel resentment long term. I believe we can be happy by finding a true middle ground. I’ve learned a lot in this relationship communication wise but also that we need to both check in on our feelings and how we view our couple as of today, tomorrow etc.
He also changed his mindset towards career and just care less about career, work life and money. His priority is his social life so he has a job with a good WLB and PTO (he’s in IT) He barely saves anything. I’m the opposite, I’m building my career to get the most exit ops in the future and I save and invest consistently. I’m frustrated, because he thinks all that I’m doing is just focusing on work because that’s my 1st priority, when in reality I just want to have financial stability and a good lifestyle. He doesn’t care about that, he think having free time with little money is way better. We’ve been having disagreements on this and I’m lost I don’t know what to do.