Related Posts
Chief
I really think that the insurance policy given by mediassist is way more expensive for parental insurance, means who will pay for 50k+ premium and that too for large copay, I guess the leadership team should intervene here....Parental insurance is really important for any employee and most of the time is only needed.
Recently I used parental insurance and found that the insurance company only paid for 50% of the total bill.
Tavisca JPMorgan Chase
More Posts
Pro
We need a better a singles bowl
Additional Posts in Wellness & Beauty
Anyone use Ashwagandha? What type/brand?
Hello everyone my brother and I own a personal training business and would love to help anyone in need of affordable online personal training. We will work directly with you to help you reach your goals and be the accountability partner you need. Feel free to email for advice and pricing or shoot a text below with any questions. Makseffort.fit@gmail.com
New to Fishbowl?
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Mentor
It’s sounds like it’s a sensitive topic for him and he hasn’t been open to discussing it in the past. Instead of trying that route again, what if you try to incorporate more active activities in your daily lives? Like go on evening walks or runs together, join a sports club or get into a new sport together (like pickle ball or whatever)!
Regarding eating better, I don’t know if you live together yet but you could start making both your lunches to take to work so he doesn’t have to go get food. Maybe not every day if that’s too much extra prep time but like 3-4x a week.
I guess lead by example is what I’m saying. Start living a healthy lifestyle with him and maybe it will motivate him without having to bring up the topic with him directly.
I’m trying my best! I do the majority of the housework though as well since I work from home, and when I do have a little adventurous cooking streak he doesn’t always want to try it despite it being super yummy and flavorful.
I disagree with the lead by example approach. That’s what you do with your friends/kids, but not your partner. If this is someone who are planning to marry you absolutely need to have an open and honest conversation with him about how it concerns you that he is putting on weight and not taking care of himself. When he lets himself get unhealthy it puts your marriage at risk (example, he gets sick/diabetic/has related health problems and becomes dependent on you).
For something this serious - and given that you are considering committing your life to him - you owe it to both of you to speak openly about the matter. Even make the marriage conditional on him continuing to demonstrate he is managing his weight/health. You can’t out-exercise a bad diet, and it would be good for him to see a therapist who specializes in ED if he can’t demonstrate self-discipline from childhood fast foods.
A1, What happened to leading with grace??? I’d hate to deal with a partner like you who seems to lack emotional intelligence in handling sensitive matters. 🤦🏾♀️.
You should watch Jonah Hill’s documentary on this topic - it was very insightful to see how his mom’s “support” impacted his confidence and what it feels like to battle obesity. Be gentle, I’m sure he already feels down after working so hard to conquer it.
Food isn’t necessarily about food.
Where did the stress in his life change? What tools does he have to manage it?
His dad left his family in a bad way when he was 10, and his mom was a single nurse doing her best, working nights and bringing home McDonald’s when she could. Then 5 years later his only father figure, his grandpa passed away suddenly of a heart attack.
College was smooth for him as his mom remarried a Dr. And financially they became okay, if not wealthy. Then his first move out of town and his corporate job in a new city selling insurance hit him HARD. It was a grind. That’s when I also moved in and was working my first career getting burnt out too- so that’s when the eating out started as a way to sit somewhere new and vent about our days.
His tools is still exercise like I mentioned, he LIKES to be active. But also on the flip side some days he gets too tired to move and wants to spend a night on the couch after long cases.
Avoid preaching, lecturing, or nagging. Shaming someone into working out is the worst thing you can do. Make exercise as joyful and interesting as you can by creating opportunities for it.
Is there a way to have a discussion that peels back the why here a bit more?
While I love to cook, when I get it in my head that I “need” dumplings, it becomes this crazy need that I can’t overcome. I was recently diagnosed with adhd and it’s been helpful to understand how one of the hallmarks with that is the instant gratification need bc of the natural lack of dopamine (it probably explains my shopping habit too…)
The diagnosis doesn’t make the behavior ok, but it’s helped me to understand, if I don’t make the effort to get my “happy kick” from something else (could be an activity I enjoy during the workday, food that’s healthier but I love, etc) that I will succumb to the takeout.
This obviously may not be your SO, but maybe think about how this could be more than familial habits and that it may be something worth exploring either with you or a therapist.
This is a tough one, to me it sounds like the diet he was on was not a sustainable life change. It has to benefit you're going to stick to it otherwise the weight will come back. Diet is what you eat naturally, it sounds like he has to retrain his body to want different things. It's hard but try a little over time. Like half a teaspoon less of sugar in your coral or tea every week. After 3 weeks,, get him to taste what it was like before he dropped it. I guarantee he will think its too sweet.
This is how companies in the Nordics reformulated sugar if yoghurt down. It worked as our taste pallets can not distinguished small changes.
Also have fun with making foods and meals from scratch. I spend a say making sauces and freeze them down. Therefore no laziness in the world necessary as the hard work is done.
Set a good example. Do they witness you reaping the rewards of exercise? Set an example by asking your partner to join you for a stroll or an after-work workout.
Don’t push, I struggle with them and my fiancé. It sounds to me like it might be emotional eating? Try to find things you can encourage him in before you approach the good topic, if he doesn’t feels you building him up then it will feel like you’re being overly critical.
I can’t offer much insight into the root cause(s) of this issue and/or how to broach the subject, but a few diet-focused tips that might be helpful (I also love to eat and had terrible eating habits growing up; I was never overweight but my poor diet caused plenty of other health issues that eventually caught up to me):
1) You mentioned above that he usually skips breakfast; however, in my experience, a healthy and satisfying breakfast is key to controlling hunger and preventing overeating / poor choices later in the day. I find that I overeat at lunch and dinner and make unhealthier choices if I skip breakfast. My husband used to do this too - he would skip breakfast and lunch (having only a protein shake in the morning) and then eat lots of unhealthy, highly caloric food at dinner. An unpleasant side effect of this pattern for him was that whenever he would have regular meals (eg on weekends or on vacation), he’d gain weight SO easily - as in I could see the difference in his face and stomach within a day or two). I encouraged him to eat at least a proper lunch everyday, with a protein and a vegetable, plus a carb if he wanted, and now his weight has stopped spiking so dramatically whenever we eat out on weekends/vacation. For your bf, maybe start with baby steps and encourage him to have or join you for a hearty but nutritious breakfast (eg, eggs, fruit, sausages, avocado toast, veggies, oatmeal) - he may still feel pretty full from the breakfast by lunch and be less tempted by the fast food.
2) Suggest things you can add to your meals, rather than just foods to remove. So he likes fried chicken (don’t we all!) - let him have it but suggest a reasonably healthy, tasty and FILLING side to go with it that you can both enjoy (like braised collard greens, a roasted sweet potato, a salad with interesting toppings). I used to eat absolutely no vegetables at all, which is why I was able to pack away such large quantities of meat and carbs. Once I started incorporating vegetables into each meal, the fiber filled me up so much, I couldn’t eat as much of the meat or carb offerings, even if I wanted to. Since he is used to eating fast food and other rich foods, he will probably be resistant to veggies/fiber-rich foods at first, so I would just try to make them as tempting as possible - the key is getting him to eat them and develop a taste for them, so don’t sweat it if there is bacon on the salad or butter on the sweet potato.
Sorry for the long post but hope this helps!
Oh boy - I can totally see how he would be famished after all that physical activity and no breakfast, which is probably why he felt the urge to get the fried chicken! At least a salad made it into the order 😬 I guess the goal is to try to make the salad portion a bit bigger and the fries/chicken portion a bit smaller! Fingers crossed his brother can be a good influence 🤞🏻
Honestly, you have to really work on the why...not much else helps I've found because there's so much stuff underneath that's likely driving this. For context, I was in a similar situation with my partner - a lot of their habits were fueled by anxiety and stress and it led to a lot of damage. But we had to work really hard on trying to reduce the triggers to an extent and that helped them form better habits. There are still times when they'll fall back but it's actively working on the why that makes the biggest difference
I know a few who encountered the same problem. Have you tried talking to a professional? There must be something that triggered his stress.
Start by explaining the idea of mindful eating to them. The fundamental idea behind mindful eating is to pay more attention to what we put in our bodies and how it makes us feel overall. Therefore, even if your boyfriend might not be ready to entirely alter their meals at first, they might be more receptive to switching to healthier meals after they become more conscious of the effects it has on their bodies.
Make fitness fun. Some people would rather play games than work out. Make the act of exercising into a game in and of itself, and provide incentives for taking part or achieving specific goals.
Be willing to work out with them. They are more likely to attend workouts if they are aware that you are counting on them. Be the pillar of strength they require at this vulnerable moment.
Bit of an update here- we had a chat, he’s increased his exercise but the eating still hasn’t changed much aside from eating at home more often later in the day.
He admitted he even stopped at McDonald’s today which is a new low, we NEVER go there and I thought it was off limits for him.
A new development though is I think his body is starting to send him severe “check engine” signs. After 3 meals we ate out this week with family he’s been getting very ill, stomach issues, feeling like he’s going to vomit, even feverish. It’s like his body is rejecting the things he’s putting in it…