My spouse has made it clear to me that they no longer support me working in biglaw and want me to find a job with more reasonable hours. They were supportive early in my career and when we had one child, but our second was born a couple of years ago and all the additional work they put in at home, the lack of family time and lack of couples time is becoming a big strain on our marriage. We are in a high cost of living city so will have to undergo a major lifestyle change if we forego my biglaw..

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I dont think it is fair or unfair but rather what you value more - career or family. Different folks have different values and not bad one way or the other.

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If you’ve reached a point where you consider your partner’s feelings in terms of whether they present an injustice to you, then it’s time for marriage counseling. Not saying you’re wrong and your partner is right but if your partner’s unhappiness is not something you’re worried about or willing to do something about unless you’re adjudicated as wrong, then something went off track somewhere.

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Life and marriage are not about fairness. It’s not a question of what’s right or wrong. If your partner has said they are not willing to continue living like this then you have to respect their feelings. You will have to choose between your marriage and your career. My two cents, your big law partners won’t be at your funeral and won’t be wiping your butt at the old folks home. Think about who will.

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Sounds like a good to head to marriage counseling to work this out. I would keep focusing on the solution where you pay others to do more if you’re really not willing to leave your job. Even if you can’t go part-time are there *any* adjustments you could make? Maybe just some movement to the middle will help your spouse feel better? My spouse and I got counseling at a low point and it was the best investment we ever made.

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... salary, but in their view it will be worth it. I feel somewhat resentful that I’ve come so far and invested all this time and now have to give up a job I enjoy at a firm I really like. Part time isn’t an option due to the nature pf my practice. Getting additional paid help at home will not resolve the issue for them. Is this fair? It feels unfair.

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That’s tough, I’m sorry. I’d talk this out with a marriage counselor.

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It’s very unfair. You should absolutely be able to outsource more help at home and stay at your job if you want to. I’m an eighth year big law associate and new parent, also in a big city, trying to plan my next career move - it is really stressful without added pressure from home.

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It sounds like they want more time with YOU, and the extra money to buy a stand in for you is not enough. I agree with others above that some counseling is in order—you need to reconcile the differences in values.

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