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There’s one study everyone points to to make them feel okay with just one glass of wine during pregnancy but the medical data shows there’s no amount that’s actually safe to consume. Will a little bit hurt? Statistically, the chances of serious damage are low. But the risk isn’t zero.
You need to do the research then weigh the probability of damage to the baby against your wife’s need for a glass of wine. And determine how you feel with that comparison.
People look for data that supports what they want to do, but the reality is that CD1 is right. Alcohol isn’t good for the body period, and it’s even worse for a developing body. And I say that as someone that loves to knock back a few.
A glass of wine a day is totally fine. I’ve done all the research, as did my wife, and we have 2 healthy, crazy smart girls. The wine myth relates to consuming in excess (ie. more than she’s having) as well as the likelihood that someone who drinks too much is more likely to, say, abuse narcotics along with heavy drinking. So unless your OB says otherwise, you guys are good. Feel better?
She’s your wife, you should be able to have honest conversations with her. It’s all about your approach…and she’s been drinking this entire time?
Yikes. Take it easy bud. An occasional glass of wine is more than ok. Let your wife live a little. She’ll thank you for it. Expecting Mothers in Europe drink far more than that. If it bothers you so much, maybe look into it further?
Tell her doc
Fast forward - she spanks and you don’t like it. What do you do?
It’s your kid, have the discussion.
Anecdata: I also drank the occasional glass of wine during both my pregnancies. Two very healthy kiddos.
If the book is "Expecting Better," then tbr research is pretty sound.
There’s tons of research (check Emily Oster’s book) that minimal drinking - eg 1 glass of wine daily - has no negative effects. Most research done on alcohol and babies was with alcoholics.
In countries outside the us, doctor routinely tell people that a drink on occasion is fine. This was my experience in South Africa and is the case in many European countries. The US is a highly litigious society where doctors are scared to say anything that they might get sued for, though I have friends in NY whose doctors said mild drinking is fine.
+1 to Emily Oster’s research! Her data-driven pregnancy and parenting stuff has been a sanity-saver in my marriage. Also, your instinct to let your wife make her own decisions about her body is a golden one. Your heart is in the right place - communicate openly and respectfully. You’re going to be a great parent.
N of 1 here. I occasionally had a glass of wine during both of my pregnancies. Third trimester with my first and second with my second (a little more of a European approach with my second ha.) They are both super smart, awesome kids, with the usual chaos of course ☺️ Yes there is risk with pretty much anything. A friend of mine got listeria from lettuce while she was pregnant. Please keep in mind pregnancy is really really hard, not only physically but emotionally. There will never be enough data to truly know what is unsafe for pregnant women and their babies because it’s unethical to test on them, but you need to trust that your wife knows what is best for her and her pregnancy. There will likely be a lot of things about parenting you disagree on, so if you’re not comfortable having those conversations in a constructive way, I’d recommend therapy to provide you with some tools. It’s helped me and my husband tremendously. Regardless, best of luck to you as you enter this next chapter! It’s an amazing, challenging, rewarding wild ride.
It's ok. The advice is more cultural than medical. Doctors in Europe are comfortable with pregnant women drinking a couple of glasses of wine a week during pregnancy. And honesty is important here. If you're not having the conversation about your feelings, or she's hiding her drinking, then you have a trust issue to solve.
So far your contribution to this entire thing is you got to have sex. Your wife is going through a ton: physically, emotionally, hormonally. It won’t really hit you until your kid is born and your life changes dramatically but your wife is 40 weeks ahead of you in that realization.
Billions of people have existed and lead healthy normal lives even though their mom drank a little wine while she was pregnant with them. It’s the norm in Europe and they are way less ducked up there than we are in the US.
Totally understandable that you have concerns and feel protective over your child but let your wife make the decision with her doctor. It’s not yours to make.
At the end of the day OP, like all decisions ultimately up your wife and you do have some say, I’m not trying to dismiss your input. Only really she knows her body and the OB to a certain extent.
In my IMO, When it comes to alcohol and pregnancy, like all pregnancies, they are all different. For example, I’m can drink coffee however I know my body and decided not to drink coffee while pregnant. My choice.
With alcohol, I think there are too many factors at play for us to tell you our opinion, relying on one book to justify your decision seems off to me. In the case of “Expecting Better”, it’s a written by an economist who’s complied research to help people make an informed decisions about pregnancy but that shouldn’t discount your own personal medical history and your doctors advice. Again, IMO.
At this point, she’s at the third trimester, I’m sure the baby is ok, by this time and the amount of ultrasounds & tests, if something problematic occurred you would have known by now.
While the research indicates a glass of wine is fine, I totally get where you’re coming from. Broach the subject with your wife and explain how you’re feeling. If your wife agrees to ixnay the wine a great show of support would be a dry pregnancy for the both of you
I feel the need to clarify this. There is no research indicating it’s fine. There’s just a lack of research indicating one drink is harmful. Huge difference.