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What are these comments so far? No, this isn’t what “moms do” and no I don’t think you need to just hang in there. I think you should start setting some boundaries. Communicate to her these things bother you and how they make you feel - maybe at a time when it’s not happening in the heat of the moment. From there on remind her when she does this, if she doesn’t respect that then take a break from the conversation and maybe even limit some contact with her. And stay consistent. It is up to your mom if she wants to change and have a healthy relationship with you, but it’s also on you to protect your mental well-being and not let her walk over you.
Honestly, it sounds like she is used to talking to you this way and more importantly, used to getting away with it. Changing human behavior is tough, but it is ultimately the other person’s choice how they want to show up. I’ve had to set boundaries with my parents, at first there was protest and it was tough, but eventually they did adjust.
Lastly, also consider talking to a therapist or someone who has tools to offer you, and that can help guide you through this.
Yes!!!! This ^^^ came here to say the same. OP - your post resonated with me because it’s very similar to my relationship with my mom. I’m an only child, and a female, and our relationship can be very toxic and if you’re a people pleaser (I am!) these situations are so tough to navigate. Therapy helps!
I also would recommend a book called “adult children of emotionally immature parents”. Great read!
Rising Star
it's called a mom. moms are annoying. let it roll off you. Happy mother's day.
Chief
Tell me you have a toxic mother without telling me
She sounds borderline.
Rising Star
Record your conversation and send it to her. Read Toxic Parents. Unlikely she will change…more like you will have to accept she won’t and you’ll have to create firm boundaries to safeguard your well-being.
US pastries are frequently too sweet. 😬 Especially if you grew up in a different country.
Pro
Are you OPs mom? That’s not really the point… if someone gives you a gift just say thank you. Take them home and throw them out or give away if you don’t like them
Chief
She probably has a personality disorder. Either narcissistic or borderline. You need to set boundaries. She needs to get psychiatric help or you won't see her.
I’m also going through a difficult break up right now where I feel emotionally abused and all she can seem to do is sneak in criticisms about me, telling me about my shortcomings and telling me that I reap what I sow. Ironically she tells me to stop holding certain things against my partner and those are the exact same things she holds against me. She even told me to stop interrupting her despite her literally doing JUST THAT at every chance she gets. She even got mad at me for yelling at her when I was sitting there and responding to her in a calm and reasonable manner - I spoke with a normal tone, spoke slowly, validated her feelings, etc. While she was *screaming* questions at me about how I didn’t try hard enough. I don’t understand why she’s like this. It hurts!
I think you know deep down what you need to do. It’s the harder, less pleasant option but realistically she is who she is and she won’t change (or if she changes, it’s going to be temporary until the next time she feels emboldened to act up again).
You’re probably at the juncture of deciding whether to minimize/cut contact or just accept how it is.
Hang in there friend ❤️
Chief
Sounds awful. Have you ever had a REAL talk with/ her about it. Not one that that spontaneously happens when she says something that hurts you, but real talk?
If not I suggest you have a sit down to discuss exactly what she does and how it makes you feel. It sounds like this is long overdue.
She sounds like a bitter woman. Don’t let her steal your sunshine.
She will not change and only you can decide to continue to subject yourself to this type of relationship. I would move far across the country and limit contact.
Ask her
Sounds like my MIL.
Is she Asian by any chance? Cause I don’t even bother doing anything for my parents cause their culture has hard wired them to always be critical