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I don’t not know what you all are going through but I just wanted to send positive vibes your way
I’m really sorry to hear this. I’m going through that with my grandfather (like a father to me) and have 1 year old. Some days are just so hard to get through, emotionally, mentally, physically and it feels like people don’t get it. Just hang in there and try to keep as positive as possible. Not sure if you are religious, but I recently heard this idea of taking every stress in life and finding a way to see the positive. For example, you are stressed and pressured from work and your managers, but on the flip side you are blessed to be educated, have a well paying career that is challenging (and hopefully flexible). On the “bad days” remember how you are blessed to spend another day with your parent. As hard as everything is, you have to keep the big picture in sight and know that you’re parent loves you and things will get better.
@PwC1 Thanks for sharing. You’re right. While it can be hard to change ones perspective when you’re in so deep in doom and gloom, doing so can really give you hope. Wishing you and @OP the best
Honestly I think having a little one although stressful does help me cope. She brings a lot of sunshine and happiness to combat the sadness and stress. I agree I try to continue to make happy memories with my grandfather but it’s so challenging for him to really enjoy anything these days or to even understand what is going on. I definitely think you should try to switch to another team or work with other managers. Maybe you can find something that will give you more flexibility. I strongly believe it's the people that make the work more enjoyable.
My counselor is against me. Few of my managers have been going off on me for little things. Everything looks so dark. I don’t know how to cope.
Wow. I cannot imagine. I get feeling guilty for not being around or present from working so much. But also liking the escape work brings. Or freaking out whenever I get a phone call at work b/c I’m assuming the worst. My parent is in the early stages. Neurology and neuropsychology appts. confirmed today, actually. We’re still in the ‘can’t boil a kettle of water b/c almost bunt the house down last time’ and ‘can’t remember a conversation from a few minutes ago phase’. It’s a painful unraveling to witness and experience. And again, can’t imagine dealing with as bad as you have it. Sigh. Hang in there
Dang. The burnout’s too real. And yes, the agitation/mood swings can be unbelievably emotionally taxing (pun intended). As difficult as it is, I hope you can remember to choose love. Even when they (or you rather) can’t remember who they used to be. Just got promoted to second year in tax. Nice to know of someone who made senior while handling a similar situation. Gives me a bit of hope.
My main point with my parent is to create happy moments. I’ve been good on that until I changed my job. Now my job is miserable and I’m very miserable. Need to change managers or if not- job.
In the same boat, OP. Father has Alzheimer’s early stages. Little things make me so worried about what is coming and can’t do anything about it.
After dealing with this for 5 years I will say one thing I learned is don’t feel bad about asking for help. You can’t do it all yourself. If you’re able to hire caretakers for a few days a week or sometimes local hospital volunteers will visit, then do it. Definitely spend time with the person to the extent you’re able, but don’t feel bad or guilty (I know easy to say) for needing time away for yourself to regroup and recharge
Senior Tax OP does your firm have a confidential assistance service? If so, I think you have reached the point where your parent needs to be in a facility that caters to dementia care. You do not have to bear your burden alone. I have friends whose parents are in dementia care. You need REAL assistance...not just a willing ear. Speaking from experience as I moved to be close to an aging parent with serious health concerns. Your firm has resources to help.
Do not know*
Okay so I have a parent in dementia diagnosis process rn. I literally wfh all this week because I couldn’t deal with going into the office. No solution here. Just empathizing and agreeing with your sentiments.
Thank you, Deloitte 1! I’ve been dealing with it on my own for three years. Now, my parent not only doesn’t know how to use restroom, but also starts blubbering some words. I have solution during the week, but I feel so bad about not being around. I burry myself in work to avoid thinking about the issue. However, I’ve been blamed at work for little things, because my managers lack security.
D1, how bad is your parent at this point? I remember I was so devastated when I first faced it. I’m at the breaking point now.
D1, early stages are very tough. I remember starting at B4 and after my first day at the office I get back home and the door is wide open - parent is lost. Finally found at the police station. Next day I got a phone call from the police that my parent has been brought home by them and if that happens again they will have to take actions. I get home that night and parent is lost again. My parent put electric kettle on the stove. Good thing the place didn’t get burned down. I had to make big changes. Now I have my parent over the weekend. Not even saying about the emotional struggle to keep calm when my parent is agitated and calls me names and wishes me to be dead. My work helped me in the past. I wanted more challenge, more flexibility. Changed jobs and now I’m so miserable and with the parent getting so much worse... not sure how to handle burnt out.
D1, I was vocal to my teams. Some younger managers don’t get it, but older people understand. You need lots of support. Let me know if you would like to chat. I’ve gone through so much.
PwC1, not sure how you are coping with it. I hope your child gives you lots of love and smiles. My parent brings more tears to my heart.
PwC3, I feel obligated to take care of my parent when I have free time. It’s like having a child- you are trying to get back home as soon as possible. Five years is a very long way. You are so brave!