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today I choose violence

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What might help is to gently talk him through what he wants. In other words, when he's giving an assignment or setting a goal, ask him to clarify things as he goes. There's a knack to it, just make it clear that you want to understand things. It's not great that you have to coddle your manager, but if that's what it takes to make sense of things, it's a necessity.
Have you considered going to someone who is their peer or even above them? Sometimes the power dynamics can make it too hard to be direct which construction feedback often requires
I've worried about that too, but if you keep it fact based and frame it more as you're looking for advice rather than complaining - and of course have the right intentions, it should be clear what's going on