Ok so this is about a home dynamic! I am having my brother over to our place for Christmas week, and his wife celebrates Hanukkah, and I'm not sure if I should acknowledge it somehow and what level would be heavy handed or weird. He said he felt uncomfortable asking her about it for me and that it's over this week anyway. What should I do?

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Hanukkah will be over by the time they arrive, so just tell her you hope she had a happy Hanukkah and leave it at that.

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This.

I honestly think that's an amazing idea. Super thoughtful to even consider. I wouldn't go overboard since that might make her feel embarrassed/singled out, but a simple Happy Hanukkah or ask how her Hanukkah was since I believe today is the last day is sufficient. That alone is super thoughtful IMO

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Ask her how her Hanukkah was since it’s passed already, but if you are exchanging gifts with your brother, you could also get her something small to acknowledge, but use blue gift wrap.

Do your brother and his wife not talk about religion? I get not speaking about it all the time but not even when the holiday is literally happening? I wonder why he feels uncomfortable to ask. Maybe because of what’s happening in the world right now??

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You ask her. Just say something along the lines of you want to be respectful and inclusive of her traditions, how would you feel about us including some of them into our festivities? But be prepared. Jewish traditions are very strict please ask if she follows Kosher that’s not something that a Christian kitchen can easily adapt to but there are different levels of kosher so ask. Depending on where you are in the country you may be able to find a restaurant that does follow kosher and can get some food for her there. I’d worry more about the kosher aspect than I would the traditions though.

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Hanukkah is over and is truly NOT a major holiday. It’s conflated with Christmas in the US because our country is bonkers for Christmas. You can ask how her Hanukkah was, but nothing else is needed.

Way better would be to ask her how she’s coping in light of the terrorist attack by Hamas. Trust when I say that if she is even remotely identifies as Jewish, she is hurting. And, the lack of acknowledgement of this pain by non-Jews just amplifies it for many Jews. So, be empathetic towards her and talk about the war. It’s a difficult subject, but the trauma the Jewish people are suffering currently is exponentially worse than having a hard conversation.

Also great would be to ask her about herself as a Jew: what’s her favorite holiday/tradition; how does she navigate the secular world, what books or media would she recommend to someone who wants to learn more about Judaism and the Jewish experience (both Israeli and Diaspora)…

Education is the very best way for all of us. What we are taught in schools about the diaspora Jewish experience is so effing limited — basically the Holocaust and the dreidel song because it has to be included in the holiday performances in elementary school. Educating yourself on how she moves through this world is so much more meaningful than giving her a gift wrapped in blue paper.

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Don't overthink it or make a big deal out of it. A simple, genuine gesture or conversation can go a long way in showing your inclusivity and support.

I would say that’s very considerate of you! And tell your brother to not be uncomfortable asking his wife questions about her culture?? Come on dude!

You could try “happy Chanukah” next year…

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