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Apologies in advance if this is too personal, but what is your fiancé’s culture?
Indian weddings are so fun!!
Rising Star
Since you and your bf both agree on blending the events and inviting everyone to all, then go with that! Even though they’re paying, still voice your opinion and have your bf reiterate to his parents what you both want and think is important.
Trying that! It’s just we don’t want to hurt them since they’re really important to us!
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what does your bf think? does he want to blend or to have different ceremonies?
I just read the rest of the comments. If they are paying for it, by all means allow the celebration. But if you don’t like the concept of families, being separated, then say you will not have this wedding like this. And you will choose to have your own way where everyone can join.! You run the show. Not the cultures and not the family. It’s 2023. Everyone needs to learn how to adapt!
Rising Star
If his parents pay for it you could make it all happen in the same day.
Might seem ridiculous but check out the Gilmore girls episode when Lane got married. Buddhist ceremony, then church ceremony, then reception. You can provide the entire plan of festivities to people and suggest they attend all of them.
Yeah i thought of the same. If the blend doesn’t work will have to pitch for this only!!
They say the test of how your marriage will be is determined how you both handle these moments during the planning phase. Will you bend to pressure ?
If they’re paying they get an opinion, if they’re not they don’t. But also assuming it’s typically the bride that has to do all the wedding planning, they should be willing to help A LOT if they have a strong preference
They’re paying just for their cultural functions. For our functions we will be paying! We are ready to pay for the entire thing, it’s just they’re not ready!
This is why I hate taking money from people. Soooo many strings attached. You already seem way more relaxed than me. I would not want 2 celebrations at all- one wedding, and that’s it. If parents want to contribute, great, then I gave them say in the guest list but that was it. If they didn’t want to contribute, that’s fine too.
It’s not about the money really, even if we pay for the entire thing then also their conditions would be the same to have different functions! They’re also not paying anything for our side of the functions, just for their side they’re like they will pay for everything and we will take care of our side of ceremonies!
I understand and empathize with your feelings but as an immigrant and counselor, just wanted to share a little more about the other side of the situation in case it helps you and your fiancé.
It’s hard for some Americans to understand. But many cultures have very specific traditions and rituals that comprise the wedding ceremony that have to be fully followed in order for it to be valid and auspicious. So in your future in-laws’ minds, there may not be any room to compromise if they’re following their cultural traditions. For many immigrants also, their children are more culturally assimilated in American culture, so it may become even more important psychologically to hold onto these few events where they can celebrate their culture. And it may be a way for them to fully welcome you into their culture and their family as well. They may not be able to express these thoughts very articulately to you, but these are some common themes I see in immigrant families. One example from pop culture some people find helpful to refer to is the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” where the Greek American family found the cultural ceremony extremely important while the other “normal” American family didn’t fully understand in some ways (which is totally understandable).
Also in many different cultures, it’s common to hold multiple ceremonies and it’s not a sign of disrespect by any means. For example, when the bride and groom do not share a hometown, it makes sense in many places to hold a ceremony and celebration with each family separately. Or when there may be religious differences, it’s a way for both parties to be fully married in both faith traditions (as not all faiths allow hybrid ceremonies).
Now of course it’s still you and your fiancé’s decision ultimately on what to do. But I would suggest that you consider this through a different cultural lens as opposed to a solely American cultural lens, who are more okay with mixed, individualized ceremonies. And consider how important it is from a cultural standpoint.
I had two different wedding celebrations in two cultural traditions (not everyone attended both, but the immediate family did) and it was wonderful. Just a chance to have more fun and celebrate in my mind.