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How’s everyone doing?
4 years today. #grateful #keepcomingback
4 years next month
8 years sober today! I love AA.
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Below is the best advice I got after many false starts. Everyone’s situation is different, so this is just what helped me to stick with it and eventually to love the process...
1) Go to a lot of meetings of all different kinds. Don’t just go to one to start and go with an open mind. Try out different flavors of AA, Refuge Recovery, SMART, etc. Every room is a bit different. I was going into rooms and finding whatever I could do I could say “this isn’t for me because (insert bullshit aversion statement).” All I could focus on were the things I didn’t like.
2) Don’t allow your mind to discount/normalize your drinking habits by comparing it to others. I was in a bad place where I’d go to meetings and the speaker had really hit some dramatic lows (homeless, jail, ODing, etc) and be like “oh, well compared to that, I am doing okay” and I’d use it to justify slipping back to casual use only to go off the rails again.
Essentially it took me to set all judgement aside and go into the process with a beginners mind. This allowed me to see the commonalities between me and everyone else, not the superficial differences I was using as a defense mechanism. Now my favorite thing about recovery is that I meet and hang with people I NEVER would have been friends with in my regular life. Let alone having some of the most “real talk” I can imagine having with another human
Find an aa Mtg in your area that will start the help and support you need - it is anonymous. .
Okay... great advice above. No doubt.
That said. You may give yourself permission to look beyond “a drinking” problem.
You’re actually struggling because somewhere along the way you missed a few life skills in coping with adversity - not uncommon at all....
IMHO if you focus to much on the drinking....you may find yourself unable to rationalize a ton of shit, get confused and feel lonely. Besides....at this point it’s kind of like declaring war on yourself (who really wants that? it’s a lose lose scenario - no wonder people fail at the challenge) #sheesh #nowwinscenario #hardroad
I’ve mentored many people through these issues over the years and found a simple method to get yourself off the sauce, able to socialize and stay connected at work.
Recipe:
1) Don’t make “drinking” into a thing. Stop the hype. The answers are not on that road.
2) Realign to a strategy of overcoming adversity, today it will be drinking, tomorrow kids, or maybe tragic loss... turns out life throws a ton of shit at us.....What you want is to mentally reposition in yourself to deal with anything that comes at you...a bottle is not the only tool.
3) Realize that you cant “fix” drinking problems. Drinking problems are an expression of arrested development. You got this. You just need to learn about goal setting.
4) Make a goal. Not something irrational like “drink less” or “stop drinking”. We are talking about something a year away....run a marathon, right a novel, learn Kung Fu, get debt free, build a motorcycle, flip a house, vacation in China.......
A long range goal will give you a north star by which you can and will align all of the nuanced decisions, subconscious or conscious to move to a new place. (this is the cure for any addiction). You’ve got to get your subconscious on board.
5) THIS IS THE HARD PART: Make a plan. Think about your goal and make a plan that has one task per week (or whatever is realistic) so that you have a new direction for your life.
6) THIS IS THE HARDEST PART! 💪 Work the plan. (whenever I get lost...I have an internal mantra “make the plan, work the plan”.)
If you do this, you’ll find that drinking finds a new appropriate role in your life and you don’t have to wage war with yourself.
Keep your head up....good thing you’re figuring it out now. 💯👊🏻
Make the plan, work the plan, make the plan, work the plan, make the plan, work the plan.
VP1 - you are probably right, but telling someone who is struggling that the problem behind their drinking is something in life they missed and will never get the chance to get years back where they lacked is not healthy advice. Please leave that to a therapist. That’s the type of advice that leads people to keep drinking because it’s heavy shit.
Yes agree. Find an AA meeting and share at the meeting that you are struggling.
Respectfully, I agree that this could possibly be dangerous advice depending on an individual’s relationship with drugs/booze and their personal history/genes. A lot of the things you suggest, like setting new and ambitious goals come for some people upon establishing sobriety. But for a lot of people, we need more, especially in the beginning. Specifically a reliable and relatable community and tools to work through the process.
Without these pieces, diverting your attention to a goal could amount to sweeping the core issues that cause abuse under the rug. And one day that marathon will be over, possibly the outcome was not the expectation, but the liquor store is always open.
Again, said with respect. I’m sure it does work for some people. But dangerous to make assumptions
Getting and/or staying clean and sober has to be one day at a time in the beginning. My only goal when I was new was to not pick up no matter what. That was my short and long term goal. Once the obsession was lifted I could begin a deeper dive.
Agree with the above. Go to different meetings, listen to the stories with an open mind. Share your struggle if you can. AA exists to support you and give you the help that you need. You don’t have to jump in wholesale. If you listen to a bunch of different qualifications you will see that people recover at all different cadences.
I feel you. I’m sorry you’re at this crossroads, I’ve been there many times myself. First of all, gauge where you’re at physically. They say heroin withdrawals can make you wish you were dead whereas alcohol withdrawals can kill you. I had to go to the hospital to sober up. I’m NOT trying to scare you, obviously many people get sober without that. But if you feel your heart racing and can’t stop shaking or throwing up when you quit, get help. Things can go south fast.
Then, yes: I agree with the above. Find a meeting. I’m not a regular AA attendee and have found my longest period of sobriety to date outside of the rooms of AA using a combination of therapy, meds, and the support of friends and family. AA has a lot of flaws. But right now, where you’re at? It’s a godsend. AA has roomfuls of people all over the world who have been where you’re at and know how to help. In that regard, AA is amazing.
I wish you all the strength and hope in the world.
Go to treatment if you can to get a head start. Regardless go to meetings 1-2 times a day
EP1 - that is a rational response from someone who clearly doesn’t understand addiction. “Try to cut down” - what great advice! Why didn’t I think of that! Maybe at my next work event I should just limit myself instead of blacking out! It all makes sense to me now!
In all seriousness, hopefully he doesn’t have much of a hand in your sobriety. Most doctors don’t and that’s fine - but if my doctor did, I’d want him to have a better understanding of addiction than yours does.
I just feel like I can’t kick alcohol, drugs, and depression all at the same time
Alcohol and drugs made me depressed. And then I used to treat my depression. Over and over. Sobriety saved my life from that cycle, I've been there. I could stop, but never stay stopped, and once I picked up a drink, I no longer had control. Find a meeting. They're literally everywhere. It's been five years and life still keeps getting better.
And just throwing it out there that if you are really needing to buckle down, there is no shame in going to rehab. I personally have no experience but a lot of people I sit with did 30 or 60 day treatments, both in and out patient. They all speak very highly of it setting them on the right path and giving them a ton of tools. In CA your employer is legally bound to allowing it and not requiring you to say why (I believe).
I’ve never heard this from anyone else but my doctor told me he felt the best method was to try to cut down day by day each week rather than cold turkey. As in, 6 days in a week instead of 7, then the next week 5, etc. Is that crazy ?
He’s an idiot. I need to find a new doc to ween me off the meds and try something else.
I used to be able to drink seltzer, eat candy, smoke a little weed, and be fine. Now I have drink (or so it feels), but because of the meds and then drinking doesn’t alter my state and then I use other drugs. I’m not blaming the meds for my addiction but I’m saying I’ve lost all control. And money.
Start on your knees: pray that God, the Universe, HP, etc will lift the obsession. And of course make meetings. Today, I actually vowed to do my first 90-in-90 in the 15+ yrs I’ve been coming around. Prayer works.