I miss my ex and can’t get these obsessive thoughts about him being ok with our breakup out of my head. I’m too scared of dating or even meeting new people. This is the first time I’m this heartbroken. I just want to move on with my life but I feel stuck

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It’s been a year for me and I still feel the same way. It just genuinely blows my mind how he made the decision to end our relationship without having a single conversation with me first about anything being wrong. I still don’t understand how he was just ok with it.

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PM1 - I relate to this 100%

Unless he’s a total psychopath, it’s very unlikely he’s totally ok with your breakup. It seems like some people “move on” super quick but that’s usually a rebound/coping to tool to avoid processing the pain. While he ultimately made the call to end it, it doesn’t mean it was easy for him, nor does it mean you alone are totally at fault for things not working out. Breakups have just as much to do with the dumper as they do with the dumpee (except in extreme cases like abuse).

At the end of the day though, you don’t need to know if he’s ok or not to move on. His opinion of you honestly doesn’t matter, which I know is hard to wrap your head around when you’ve invested a lot in someone and hold them in high esteem. But he’s just a human like everyone else — no better or worse a judge of partners than anyone and his decisions are based on his individual needs and whatever is personally going on with him. It doesn’t mean he’s right, doesn’t mean that you’re not valuable, and definitely doesn’t mean that every person will feel the same as him or leave you. What matters is your opinion of yourself. Your perspective is valid, not just his.

Edit: just saw comments that you broke up with him. In that case, I think you need to ask yourself why you need to see someone else in pain from you dumping them — at that point it seems egotistical, not gonna lie. Do you expect him to beg for you back? Seems like he has high self esteem & security to not do so but that bothers you

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I don’t expect him to beg nor I want him to which is why I called them obsessive thoughts. Like I said there is a lot of love and I’m having a hard time moving on because I keep blaming myself for not working hard enough to keep him or make things work.

I’m also at a year and I still have a hard time with it. I echo the disbelief of them being so ok with the abrupt disconnect. He didn’t fight for us and that says a lot/everything. I’m just mad that he can move on effortlessly and I’m still bitter.

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If I were you I’d resist the urge to text him. You guys are broken up and it’s not healthy to keep texting him all the time. I broke up with my ex 8 months ago and it still hurts. I want to text him sometimes but it’s just a bad cycle to be in. Try to hold off so that you can actually go through the pain and then heal.

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Did you break up with him?

Thank you, I’m planning couple trips and looking for a new therapist

Wait, who broke up with who? Why did it end?

So….? Sounds like it didn’t work

If you started it then you need to be the mature one and move on. Unless you were trying to play games and get him to shape up - it sounded like he called you on your bluff and your pride is too much to admit you made a mistake to him. At this point he’s definitely moved on and you should too.

There was no bluff, I know things were not working out and ending it was the right thing to do. Doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to miss him and wish that things were different.

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