Happy wife happy life is a really toxic saying. I’m just shocked how this has become the standard saying for men in relationships. I have friends of mine saying this all the time, and I have just thought it’s so cringe and always want to say my thoughts on it but always decide to hold back. However, imagine the saying reversed - happy husband happy life - that would lead to all kinds of uproar. To me happy wife happy life means I need to sacrifice my wants and needs to make my wife happy.

likefunnysmarthelpful
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Some context might help. When a guy says “happy wife, happy life” it’s caveated on the fact that he already found the perfect wife for him. She already makes him happy, and probably does things (intentionally or otherwise) that she doesn’t have to that makes him happy. “Happy wife, happy life” is just a reminder to himself not to take her for granted.

Let me ask you this: What would you be saying if you had a wife who is a 9/10, great in bed, a good parent to your kids and pets, amazing cook, plans time for your games and your family, and earns 300k+? You don’t think a happy her = a happy life?

likeupliftingsmartfunny

Counsel 1 - Good for you man! That's so awesome :)
Spencer Hill is the largest publishing house of adult romantic novels in US...haha. I was made to read one of those and learned they are super popular among women

likesmart

Well….

“Happy husband, happy life” doesn’t rhyme so…

likefunnysmarthelpful

Happy hubby, cut his balls off!! ☠️

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I agree with this post so strongly. Anytime I hear a man say that I just assume they’ve given up on life entirely.

likesmart

I like making my wife moan and groan.

likefunny

I say “happy husband, happy life” all the time and I truly mean it 🤷🏽‍♀️

likehelpful

Happy me set me free

likefunny

If you want zero troubles in life have an ugly girl as your wife lol

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Look up Gottman’s research on “accepting influence.” Statistically, women do things to compromise with their husbands and make them happy without having to be taught. Men don’t. https://www.gottman.com/blog/accepting-influence-find-ways-to-say-yes/

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That’s because women have been raised to please people, not themselves. We were raised to think about our wedding day not our graduation day. For me I’ve turned it around for my daughter I hope other parents have done the same.

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Men are from mars and women from Venus. It’s easier for men to internalize / compartmentalize - so many a time we suck it up because happy wife happy life 😁

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Happy husband happy life just doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as nicely 🤣 but I agree, it’s a toxic phrase/idea. My partner and I approach our relationship with mutual respect, honesty and trust. We prioritize communication and realize that we’re both responsible for our own happiness. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s the best one I have had and I’m really happy (so happy “wife” achieved).

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It's probably a good idea to make sure that your partner in life is happy, and that their happiness will probably rub off on you.

Everyone needs to make some sort of "sacrifice" to maintain a happy relationship/ marriage... but if you are sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of your SO's happiness, then you are married to the wrong person.

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Yes I agree. The point of the post was more that the saying has negative connotations related to the behavior it reinforces. Can people view it positively sure there is a certain context where it can be viewed positively but to me it’s more negative than positive.

I think a better stereotype would be "cheaper to keep her". For one, it rhymes better and two, it holds more truth than the happy wife thing because we live in a society of equal rights but not equal fights.

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Has become?
I'm not saying good or bad.
But it has been a saying for like 80 years.

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“Happy spouse happy house” is the ideal. But we don’t live in that type of world. Ever since I’ve adopted “happy wife happy life” I’ve been happier. Also, I’ve noticed that the married men I know that put their wife first, tend to be happier.

Don’t hate the players or the game. Play to win.

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Funny you say that because the men I know who put their wife first end up being the most miserable and depressed. In a lot of cases I notice those are the guys getting cheated on the most.

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You are splitting hairs. Think about how your life will be with an unhappy wife 🤷‍♂️

On a different note, there is disparity in attention to men’s mental health. It’s not in the cultural parlance, and sulking & stuffing things down is accepted as normal. Men learning to be open about how they feel needs to be the next societal change

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Nope fk that.
Lolll

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As a very happy wife, I’ve teased my husband with this saying… but he knows the truth. I am the heart of the home, and if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. And that’s the blessed truth. It was true for my parents, my grandparents, and great-grandparents.

Of course, I try to make him and kids happy too - traditionally, that was the role of a wife, right? I work full-time and am a partner to my husband, but caretaking for the family in very emotional ways is part of who I am as a wife and a mom… and that’s why this saying still exists.

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“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no body happy” sounds borderline abusive.

If a man were to date your daughter, friend or sister and say that wouldn’t you feel uncomfortable?

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Just remember that your wife knows everything that can be known in this world but maybe you know the rest. All jokes aside, I agree and it doesn’t paint women in a great light as well. We’re not all bossy, naggy, self centered beings who can’t manage their own happiness.

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I'm a woman and I 100% agree.

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We bought a couch this weekend... well we ordered a couch that will arrive sometimes before Florida sinks into the ocean, but Its 13 years old and lasted across the kids being young and time has done its job.
There are a few ways to unpack this phrase in relation to the events involved.
First off, I don't use the couch as much comparative to the rest of my family because work. Second, the kids have killed at least two of the springs in the couch and it is uncomfortable to sit in two of the three spots. Third, we require leather because pet hair would be a mess otherwise - that was a family level decision years ago and we still seem pretty set in it.

Getting a couch now (or 5 months from now, but ordered now) satisfies my wife's needs. I didn't really want to go. I didn't feel great, but this is a question of making sure that I meet her needs. Going shopping for things like couches are long term investments that you'll have for years - so what you get - you have to live with The style she settled on met the leather requirement but was god awful to look at for me - and she didn't care for it, but she was almost willing to compromise because NOW was placed highly in her criteria. I loathed the color... while being too dark, it washed out in any light so it wound up being this dull grey from a distance or yuck brown from up close. I implored her that the color was wrong, so we reviewed a whole host of colors and finally set one. To be fair, once she saw the color, she too admitted she didn't really like the original color. The timeline went from two weeks to up to 5 months for delivery... See? in this scenario - it isn't just meeting her needs or mine - there is compromise all around... but - for those who think it somehow went too much my way...

To compromise, we also bought a new kitchen table and chairs which show up Wednesday.

uplifting

Yea this tired me out reading this too.

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Seems you and your partner having issue compromising that’s all but you came in here to blame it on a phrase. 🧐 partnership is give and take not one way street.
No one will do something because of phrase. If they do it because they want to.

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