My boyfriend is currently in mourning and today he is very angry with me because i can't go on vacation with him in August. We talked about going briefly but never made any plans. I'm moving in September so I need to save my money. Plus, I have a daughter and she's never been away from me for that long. He wants to go away just the two of us because we never have and we both live with our parents still. Now he is saying he does way more for me than I him. How does one handle this situation?

likehelpful
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likesmart

With his maturity level - evident by misdirected anger you deal with it by finding a new bf who is grown up and does not keep score on who does more and doesn't get mad when things don't go his way

like

Yep

6 years and you both still live with your parents and still don’t communicate well about stuff like this without being angry and score keeping? You don’t have joint understanding of priorities and commitments or an understood path forward? It’s not his fault or yours, but you need to break up bc you are just not a match.

Your daughter at 6 living with grandparents should be able to weather a week away from you, btw.

like

I don’t think it’s at all abnormal for a 6 year old to not have been away from her mom for a week before. My kids are slightly younger than that and my husband and I have never left them a week before.

Is this the same boyfriend who missed your birthday because his dog died? Is this the same mourning?

likefunny

I wondered the same thing.

funny

Sis you need a new boyfriend. That’s it.

like

This sounds like a couple issues. The trip and relationship obligations.

While his actions aren’t excusable, why did you entertain the idea when it was brought up the first time? Your daughter was always going to be in the picture, so that should have been a non-starter, unless it wasn’t discussed on who would be going. My advise is to sit down and talk about any future trip expectations and stating that if you’re going on a trip, you expect your daughter to come along. At the end of the day, you’re trying to find a new father for your daughter, and he needs to know that trips become family trips.

For the relationship obligations part, I would recommend writing down all of the things you do for him, and then write about all things he does for you. This might be a good exercise to do with him and as well, so it lays down your expectations of him and him of you. And you should both show your appreciation by giving each other words of affirmation, this reinforces appreciation of the others actions.

Relationships are not easy, and because something isn’t perfect doesn’t mean we should just throw in the towel. It will inevitably set us up for failure and divorce down the road.

like

Couples deserve time away just the two of them. Even if it’s just for a weekend. Not all trips you should have to take your kids and that is completely normal. And seeing that you said you’ve been with this man for 6 years and isn’t just a new boyfriend, I don’t see that he is trying to avoid your kid either. But not taking your kids also requires prior planning and if she is kindergarten age she will be fine

How old is everyone in this situation?

like

16 and preg is probably the lower bound. So we can go off of that.

funnylike

If you are looking for a little brother for your daughter, this guy fits the bill.

funnylike

The mourning isn’t relevant. I lost my brother last year and while there were times I was short with my husband while navigating the grief, I was quick to catch myself and apologize. What he’s going through doesn’t excuse this behavior. If you’ve explained why you cannot go, and you never agreed that you would, just give him time to realize he’s being unreasonable and unfair and apologize. If the apology isn’t forthcoming, I’d be rethinking the relationship.

like

Run, don’t walk

like

No one knows the other details of this relationship. I would be super hesitant to take advice from people only receiving a snapshot of information on a relationship as a whole

likehelpful

This is not a man who has your best interests at heart. I know that because your best interests are your daughter. If he thinks its acceptable to leave a 6 year old at home while you go cavorting off on vacation, then he's not the guy for you, and never will be.

like

I think OP secretly knows this guy isn’t for her, which is why she is so hesitant. Best of luck to you OP!

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