Anyone else here not relate to their mom/dad in any way, shape, or form whatsoever? I’m a person that loves laughing, but my mom has very little sense of humor. She grew up in a different country and I grew up here so that has a lot to do with it. But even then, my mom is a narcissist and literally just talks about herself 24/7 without trying to relate to me on anything at all. Continued…

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Yes. I've said for basically my entire life since I understood how humans are brought into the world that I feel like I was swapped at birth by mistake at the hospital because of how much I cannot relate to my parents on anything (though logically I know I wasn't because I'm the spitting image of both of them combined). I grew up in a verbally and emotionally abusive household, was viciously bullied throughout my adolescence and my parents divorced when I was 8, so I'm sure all of that has something to do with it, but even my core personality traits that I've had since I was a baby according to other relatives are nothing like my parents. It's taken years of therapy and personal growth to reach the point where I can healthily be around my parents and set boundaries within myself to not respond anymore to my mom's emotional manipulation or my dad's antagonistic comments about topics he knows I disagree firmly with him on.

Honestly I've never agreed with the idea that "family is family" and you should feel obligated to love them unconditionally and keep them in your life purely because you're related by blood. I've made the personal choice within myself to keep mine in my life to an extent despite the abuse i experienced, but I am not close to them emotionally and never will be.


I admire your commitment to self Assurance Senior. 🙏🏼

The way my mom raised me and my brother (single mom) was just making sure our necessities were taken care of. For that I will always love her and she always has a special place in my heart. But I’m realizing we can’t really connect on anything beyond a surface level because of the stark contrast in personalities. And the differences are pretty extreme. That, combined with her constantly just talking about herself, makes it really difficult for me to be around her.

On one hand, she’s my mom so I want to spend time with her, but on the other hand while I’m with her I’m just extremely uncomfortable and can never really be myself. My wife and others around me notice how different I act around my mom. I’ve tried bringing this up to my mom in different ways and she just wrote it off as something I need to deal with internally, not anything she needs to change.

My dad is a narcissistic too. They will never change. I cut my dad off 4 years ago (for a multitude of reasons) and I’ve never been happier. Protect your peace however you can.

I can entirely relate. My parents were addicts and an accounting degree lifted me out of an unhealthy world. (Not saying accounting firms are healthy but I’ll save that for another day.) This thread reminds me of something I think of often- nature versus nurture.

My nurture was messed up. There are certainly events and experiences that shaped me. I saw what I didn’t want and chose the other direction.

Yet my nature is who I was born as- some might say my soul. My soul never wanted to accept the status quo I was born into. I had a knowing I could create a different life and have healthier relationships.

It’s taken A LOT of inner work to get to a place of gratitude for the parents my soul choose. Those life lessons living with them taught me a lot. Now at mid-40s, I’m happy AF. But the 20s and 30s to get here were rough. I had to learn how to have healthy boundaries and how to feel the feelings I’d shoved and heal it all.

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