Has anyone here dealt with anyone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? I’m almost certain an immediate family member of mine has NPD after what I’ve read due to past trauma. Last week I married my wife who I’ve been with for 8 years, and as we look to start a family in the future, I want my immediate family around but I’m extremely adamant on keeping toxic-ness out of my new family as much as I can. I want to help this person through it and have them seek therapy, but (cont.)

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Good luck OP. It will be a difficult journey but I think it helps to be an outsider to address this issue. My husband is more compassionate and has been able to calm down the situation but even he is at his wit’s ends at times. It takes a psychological toll living with a person like this and I didn’t realize how much life was like walking on eggshells until I moved out because I didn’t want my children to have to deal with this person on a daily basis. We have found the book “I hate you, don’t leave me” to be helpful in understanding borderline personality disorder.

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I know the second I even hint at it, this person is going to explode at me and tell me what a disgrace I am and all other kinds of things. I just know I can’t let this go on any longer, and I really want to help this family member, but at first they definitely won’t see it that way.

I think with personality disorders it will be difficult to address this with the person if they don’t accept they have it or don’t see it as an issue. I have a family member that also has a personality order and she makes everything about herself and lashes out whenever she’s upset. My family has enabled the behavior as they do not know what else to do. She has gone to therapy but it hasn’t helped.

Sorry to hear that. I agree with everything you said. After reading about NPD, it struck me that one of my other family members that’s a doctor hinted to me a few months ago that this person has an issue. She said “we have a term in the medical community for people like her” but she never told me what it was. That’s why one of my thoughts yesterday was why hasn’t anyone in my family addressed this if they know it’s a problem? But then the more I thought about it, the more I think it’s similar to your situation in that I think my family has tried to address it on multiple occasions without specifically saying that a personality disorder is involved, but it hasn’t worked at all and they probably just gave up, which unfortunately has enabled the behavior to get worse.

It’s one thing for my family to notice, but a completely different thing for my wife, her family, and other friends at our wedding to also notice that something is just off with this person. It’ll be extremely difficult and emotional I’m sure, but I think I have to be the one to finally do something about it by forcing the issue as much as I can. I myself can handle being lashed out at and the fact that this person makes everything about themself, but I won’t allow that to happen to my wife and her family, especially when they’ve done absolutely nothing whatsoever to deserve it. As hard as it’s going to be, I have to stand up for what I believe in and do what I think is right and healthy in this situation.

Hopefully your situation can turn around for the better at some point.

As far as I know narcissists never change

I agree, which is why I want to get this person to, at the very least, recognize their behavior which makes being around them extremely unpleasant. Hoping that they’ll at least think twice before they say/do certain things, because maybe at that point they’ll recognize how their words and actions deeply affect the people they care about the most. Acknowledging it is a start.

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