It’s been about 1.5 months since my boyfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me. He seemed a bit unsure about it and said he needed a reset. We had one conversation a couple weeks ago so he could explain some of the reasons he left (my request).

I have been processing intensely over the last 1.5 months (journaling, therapy, talking to friends). I’ve realized mistakes I’ve made and am taking action in therapy to correct them. Is it too early for an apology? I understand he may not want to reunite.

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I don’t think I would. I’m in a similar situation and at the end of the day, a reconciliation or any future has to be their decision. If you reach out first, they are probably instantly going to think you want to get back together.

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I too am in a similar situation. ~9 year relationship ended by her. My heart yearns to speak with her, but my mind tells me that because she ended it she has to be the one to reach out.

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In the same boat. What I’m struggling with is forgiving myself for the things I didn’t do right. I feel like I messed it all up and could have fixed it pretty easily and already implemented so many of those fixes in a week. Fact is, he was also flawed but I didn’t make those things dealbreakers. In the end the dumper chooses not to work thru the issues - not right or wrong but you have to ask yourself if you fixed all that stuff, would they really want to make it work? Depending on the reasons, they may just be excuses for a less logical desire to bounce. Also depending on the reasons, you have to ask yourself if this is someone whose love is too conditional or not. All romantic love is conditional imo but, for example, in my case, I was disposable if I didn’t fulfill a very extensive checklist. Wasn’t worth rescuing something like that because that’s just love lacking on his end but I still took it to heart to fix some of the stuff I didn’t do well because that’s just good advice for me as a person, single or in a relationship

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No problem! It’s a tough spot to be in when you realize the things you did wrong. It’s easy to overly blame yourself for the collapse of stuff but it’s important to own responsibility for the things that were in your control and let go things that were not

My concern with apologizing now is that the emotions might still be too fresh for him and he might think “great, glad you realized why I broke up with you.” But waiting to let him know might me hang onto hope too long.

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