I have been lying to myself since I can remember, that loneliness is not that bad. Yes, I can be strong and all... but I am so tired of being strong. I have a family to take care off and I feel like a failure if I am not successful in everything I do.
I need help, and tell myself that another drink will make all this better, or would numb me enough not to matter.
Lately, I am struggling with the fact that no matter how hard I try to reframe my situation...

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Can't say it better than D1, but I want to be another supportive voice. You are enough OP! Even if you fail at things you are still enough. I say this not just to make you feel good, but you sound like a person with discipline, and I know you can pick yourself back up and do your best again once you feel better. Now it's time to take care of yourself! ❤️❤️

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... no matter how many times I say"this one shall pass"... my brain always sees the negative, the worst case scenario, the disaster in everything.
I sm supposed to "train myself to be happy" according to my therapist... but all I get is one more reason to be disappointed in myself.
Sorry for the long incoherent thoughts... I am just so ready to be done... I am just so over my continuous "fake it till you make it"... I don't want to hurt my family... but I so want to disappear and never have to deal with these crazy expectations, and continuous failure...

Deloitte 1 beautifully said. Thank you for taking the time to share and encourage.

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